


Saw the Devil in the Mirror

by arwens_light



Series: Blood on My Hands [2]
Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Infection, Pre-Ellie, World gone to shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-21
Updated: 2016-05-21
Packaged: 2018-06-09 17:52:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6917266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arwens_light/pseuds/arwens_light
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The world had gone crazy. Everything in this god-forsaken place had been set on fire. Major cities had been bombed by the military, reducing buildings and homes to rubble. And bodies ablaze... their screams less than human...it haunted him. Sometimes, at night, his dreams were filled with fire and death too. He didn't know if the dreams or reality was worse.</p><p>Joel's world has crumbled around him. Sarah has been taken from him and now he and his brother, Tommy, are barely surviving, one day at a time. Small collection of Joel-centric stories, pre-Ellie and storyline from 'The Last of Us'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Saw the Devil in the Mirror

**Author's Note:**

> General disclaimer: Naughty Dog owns 'The Last of Us' story and characters.

The world had gone crazy. Everything in this god-forsaken place had been set on fire. Major cities had been bombed by the military, reducing buildings and homes to rubble. And bodies ablaze... their screams less than human...it haunted him. Sometimes, at night, his dreams were filled with fire and death too. He didn't know if the dreams or reality was worse.

He followed Tommy around after Sarah died because he wasn't sure what else to do. Honestly, if Tommy hadn't been right there by his side in the days, weeks, and months after Sarah had been taken from him, Joel couldn't say for sure whether he would still be here. It was hard, there was no point to pretend that it wasn't. He felt so broken. He carried his daughter's absence with him, like the weight of the world was on his shoulders. 

Tommy kept them moving from place to place, keeping an eye out for anyone or anything that looked dangerous. He blindly followed were Tommy lead, not caring where they went, what they did, if he lived or died. He just didn't see a point any more. Sarah was gone and the world had gone to shit. What was left to live for?

Finally, one night, something inside of him snapped into place... or was it out of place? 

Joel had the watch one night, because - who was he kidding - he wasn't going to sleep anyway and Tommy was beyond exhausted. While his younger brother lay sleeping at his side, he listened for noises in the quite of the night. Tommy had lead them outside of town, away from the sick and the military and the bombings. They had climbed the fence of a small utility building which appeared to be abandoned. A small tool shed provided them with four walls and a roof over their head to catch a few hours of sleep. Tommy had had locked them inside, momentarily away from the horrors of the world outside. 

Joel was deep in thought, his mind a million miles away when he heard them. It was muffled at first, difficult to make out, but he finally recognized the panicked voices of someone being chased. Soon, they were close enough that he could hear the sobs of terror from a woman clinging to crying children. He could hear the inhuman shrieks and the heavy thud of wood meeting flesh. Tommy was so exhausted that he barely even stirred at the screams of pain as fleshed was clawed and torn and bitten. Joel fairly heard the gurgle and struggle for breath that was drowning someone in an inescapable pool of blood. That same blood slowly seeped under the door of the shed, straining the ground at Joel's feet.

Joel stared at the dark liquid for a long moment before his stomach roiled and he retched - or at least, his body tried to - but he had nothing in his stomach. He panted as he knelt on the floor, saliva hanging from his dry, cracked lips. His vision blurred and he angrily wiped at his eyes with dirty fingers. 

He could hear those monsters outside, their shuffling steps and low moans giving them away. The last of the human sounds had died off. 

It infuriated him that it had come to this. That this is how the world was now. Cruel and violent. Ripping children away from parents, tearing families apart until there was nothing left but a hollow shell of what once was. 

He was on his feet and moving before he realized what he was doing. He exited the small shed and stepped into the familiar warm air of a Texas summer night. He quietly secured the door shut behind him. The moon cast an eerie glow upon the corpses that littered the ground. Bodies of all sizes lay before him. He tried not to look at the smallest ones, he could already feel his stomach turning again. His hands began to shake in anger.

He carefully stepped around the bodies, not wanting to dishonor the dead by trampling over them.

He was so busy watching his step that a half shriek was all the warning he got before he was being knocked to the ground. A man almost his size was on top of him, his hands clawing at Joel's face. The man's eyes were cloudy and blood-shot, the veins in his face bulging, mucus was seeping from his nose, his eyes, his mouth... inhuman sounds ripped from his throat, a cracked, broken cry. 

Joel held off the sick man with one arm, his other hand searching for something to use against him. His fingers brushed something hard and smooth. With the object firmly in his grasp, he swung the pipe and caught the man in the temple. The sudden impact caused the man to fall off of him enough for Joel scramble away and jump to his feet. The man growled, his eyes wild and angry, and began to rise. Joel swung the pipe again and caught the infected man in the jaw. Several teeth broke and blood began to run down the man's chin. Red eyes burned into Joel before the man charged, a gargled snarl erupting from his torn lips. 

Joel felt a growl build in his own throat as anger took over and for a moment, all he saw were those red, hateful eyes. He hit the man on the side of the head and this time, when the he fell, Joel didn't stop swinging. He let all of his anger and frustration and pain out, pounding down onto the man's skull until it cracked and gave way to softer tissue. When he finally staggered back, there was little felt that resembled a head. 

This time, whatever small amount of bile was in Joel's stomach emptied onto the ground.

He remained bent over, hands resting on his knees for a while. He tried to shake off the guilt that settled over him, the same as it had when he had killed Jimmy that first night. They aren't human anymore, they aren't human... they're infected. He repeated the mantra in his head, trying to rationalize the need for killing in this new world. He would have to get over this feeling of guilt. There would be no way that he could survive if every time he had to put someone down he had this hanging over his head. He would have to push through it somehow. 

The sound of approaching moans drew his attention to the west side of the complex. His resolve hardened within him. This was it. This was the world he was living in now. It was time to man the fuck up or check out. If it was time for him to go, he would go down fighting. Quietly, he made his way around the corner of the building, glancing quickly around the side. A small group of infected were standing huddled together, groaning and shivering. Some of them held their heads between their hands. 

There were six of them - at least from what he could see at the moment. He glanced down at the bloody pipe in his hand. A gun would have been a hell of a lot better - but it would also be louder and draw more attention. Damn. His foot knocked against glass. He paused before bending down and retrieving the brown glass bottle from the ground, leaving the pipe resting against the concrete. He weighed it in his hand for a moment, appraising the venue before him. If he could separate them, he could probably pick them off one by one. Taking aim, he lobbed the bottle into the air, watching as it soared end over end until it shattered on the other side of a large utility box. The infected closest to the noise screamed, biting at the air as they whipped their heads about. Several of them disappeared, chasing after the phantom. 

Two remained in his line of sight. Cursing under his breath, Joel tried to figure out the best way to eliminate both threats. Finally feeling pressure as precious time ticked by, he crept up behind the nearest one and quickly wrapped his arms around its neck. He awkwardly readjusted his hold so that his fingers were not in danger of being bitten. A garbled bark also told him that his grip on the infected's throat was not tight enough. Joel squeezed his arm more securely around the struggling individual's neck, feeling its pulse trying to pump furiously against his skin. It wasn't working fast enough, the other was starting to turn toward him. If it saw him and alerted the others, he didn't know if he would be able to fight them all off... maybe he could out run them? But go where? He couldn't lead them back to Tommy... 

The creature twenty feet away turn toward them. 

"Fuck," Joel growled under his breath as the cloudy, blood-shot eyes raised to meet his. Adrenaline he didn't know he had surged through his body and with a frantic twist of his arms, he broke the first infected's neck as the second let out a demonic howl. He threw the lifeless body away from him and stumbled back, groping for the lead pipe. Instead, his fingers brushed against the edge of rough stone. From the corner of his eye, he saw his hand resting against a broken brick. Having no other weapon, he grab the red piece of rock and threw it at the charging creature. The blow caught it full in the face, the crunch of breaking bone and sudden stream of blood telling Joel that the force of the brick had broken its nose. A wail of fury echoed off the concrete buildings and Joel knew he was done for. He took half a second to lunge for his lead pipe and used brute strength to knock the infected back down, its head bouncing against the ground with a sickening crack. For good measure, Joel drove the heel of his boot through the creature's skull. 

Screams made him snap his head back up and he watched in horror as eight bodies came staggering into view. He adjusted his grip on the pipe, his heart hammering inside his chest. A shot rang out and the head of the infected farthest to the right snap back before its body crumbled to the ground. A second shot, and a third rang out. Tommy stepped up beside Joel, his face set with a grim expression as he reloaded his pistol. The other infected began to rush toward them. Joel stepped forward and struck one in the shoulder to drive it away from Tommy as he planted his boot in another's stomach, kicking him away. Another shot rang out behind him. Joel flung the pipe at the staggering infected before returning his attention to the first who had stumbled to the ground. He grabbed the back of its head and slammed it into the solid concrete wall repeatedly until he was sure it was dead. He quickly dropped the body as the other infected rushed toward him, throwing him back against the wall. He felt the back of his head hit against the hard surface. His head swam and his vision blurred as he managed to keep his wits about him and held it off at arm's length, his hands firmly against its shoulders. It thrashed against him, biting at his arms. Running out of options, Joel kicked at its knee and felt the bone give way. It staggered to the side and Joel drove his fist down into its face. He continued to deliver blow after blow until he felt it become deadweight under his fingers. He uncurled his stiff fingers from its shirt, and let it settle onto the ground beside the others. 

Arising to meet any new threats, he realized that Tommy had taken care of the rest of the infected. A deep quiet settled over them, strange after the air had been filled with screaming only minutes earlier. 

He glanced over at his younger brother and froze at the look Tommy was giving him. It was a look of disbelief, of confusion, of... fear? It was true that up to this point, Joel had been fairly passive, allowing Tommy to take the lead on any necessary defensive killing. It wasn't that Joel didn't have it in him - hell, he had been in a fight or two back in the day - but he had left that sort of behavior behind him after he had Sarah. But things change... 

Joel frowned at his brother as he wiped his bloodied hands clean against the back of his dirty jeans. "What?" he asked gruffly, feeling disconcerted at the way Tommy was staring at him. 

Tommy opened his mouth, but snapped it shut, seeming to think twice about what he was about to say. He ran the back his hand under his nose before sighing heavily. "Son of a bitch, you made me waste the last of our bullets," he finally grumbled, slipping the gun into the waistband of his jeans. "What the hell where you thinking?"

"I was tired of sitting on my ass. So I decided to get up and do something about it."

**Author's Note:**

> I had to take a break from writing six months ago when I was trying to finish grad school and work a full time job at the same time. I am glad to say that I am completely finished with school and work has settled down enough that I actually have time and inspiration to write again. This bit has been on my mind for awhile and I was finally able to write it all down. I wanted to explore some Pre-Ellie events in Joel's life that shaped who is was 20 years later... I would honestly love to see them develop a sequel game that jumps from the past to the present in Jackson, between Joel's past and his present life with Ellie, Tommy, and Maria. I don't know how many chapters I'll write, but I hope you enjoy this dark little story.
> 
> Title inspired from Jaymes Young's song 'I'll be Good'. Honestly think it's the perfect description of Joel.


End file.
